Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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