i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sarcasm needs its own font
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
