puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize