Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
