Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
