I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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