Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
