I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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