my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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