That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got her a Nickelback box set.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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