if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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