dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
