Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
