the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So many bounce houses so little time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
