She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
