Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
