you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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