we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
