I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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