she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
