I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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