He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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