nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
