i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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