u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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