so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
