apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
COCAINE IS GR8
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
