How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
