Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
