Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
