I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
