so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
