I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
