I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
