Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
