I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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