that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
