think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
