After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
