So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
