if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
