Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
