Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
