My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize