so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
