Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
