Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have tasted many bathrooms
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
