puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize