We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
