There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
