a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
