was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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