You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
