i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize