please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
