thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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