I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
