I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
