You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The struggles of a small town man whore
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
