You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm at about main and main street
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
