He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
