Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
