My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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