I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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