In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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