Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
