My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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