I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
