How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
