i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
