8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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