I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize