Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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