Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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