4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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