I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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