Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize