i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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