Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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