just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
