The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
