Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
