I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
