then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
