Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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